Day 12 Post Op
I had a terrible time last night trying to sleep. The pain was not so bad, but I could just not get comfortable. Needless to say, it was another tough day. On top of that, Jimmy and I had another argument. I think we get into a vicious cycle where I ask for help with something minor (like bring me a bottle of water), and he acts as if he’s donating a kidney. Then I start feeling very unloved, and ask him to please be nice to me. Then that really adds fuel to the fire, and within a minute or two we are at war. In his mind, he’s doing a great job taking care of me. But in my mind, I see his reluctance as a sigh that he doesn’t really love me. I just don’t understand how someone can be so lacking in compassion toward someone he loves.
So, I’ve been praying about this, asking God to give Jimmy some compassion and empathy. And I ask God to give me strength and lead by example. This is tough.
So here I am, on the verge of crying. I’m trying so hard to find some positivity. I just want some sympathy and comforting from the man who loved me. I need to heal, both physically and emotionally. I’m wondering if the emotional pain is related somehow to the surgery itself.
I’m going to stop writing now, before I get myself even more upset. I’m going to mediate.